Last minute Christmas

last minute gift and travel ideas for Christmas

Starting own Xmas holiday with complicated feelings.

User Rating: / 0
PoorBest 
I moved out of an abusive parental household 3 years ago and have conflicting feelings and memories about Christmas time. I would like to find a way to celebrate the season (I'm not religious) and maybe bring some cheer into my life yet living alone makes the whole thing feel pointless. I also am in the depths of winter depression which is making me feel real alone. How do you start a holiday celebration for yourself when you are alone, or have traumatic memories surrounding it, or have severe depression? And how do you deal with the feelings? I have a history of abuse at Christmas as well as other negative feelings about the whole thing yet I like the lights (not the music tho) and I think not finding some sort of celebration of the season is compounding my winter depression and making me feel more alone. I'd like to find a way to make a meaningful celebration for myself but have no idea how.

I think it is is all the happy happy joy joy that has been the problem in the past. I have a large family that lives in my town and Christmas was always 70 people and a week long affair. I am slowly able to enjoy that more now that I'm not living it 24/7. Cutting off my family isn't something I want finally and I'm able to be more my authentic self and keep better boundaries amongst them. But since I grew up with all that being by myself leading up to Christmas is making my depression worse. Currently my brain is in the winter emo darkness where it is telling me that I shouldn't exist (don't worry, my brain is just this goth teenager that I've lived with forever so have all the basics covered and am on a solid AD and using my SAD lamp) and draining my energy and making it all seem pointless. And I would like to do something to shake it up and maybe take a big leap and try to bring some cheer in but how?

If you had to begin your own Christmas how did you do it? How did you make new rituals and new celebrations that counteracted all the negative crap that you experienced in the past? I am not even sure how to figure out what I actually like about it except gingerbread houses, lights, and cozy pjs and I have that covered.

I'm also feeling lonely at the holidays this year in a deeper way than I have before and have no idea how to deal with it so I thought I'd at least try to celebrate it on my own so I'd really appreciate your help. Christmas really hasn't had any positive memories for me since my Dad and brother died the same year when I was 13 so if you have any ideas about how to bring my father into a celebration that would be good too as he really was the only person who loved me as a child.

So, in short, how do you create your own celebrations and how do you start to associate good things with a holiday and deal with the emotions the season brings?


Read Full Article
Comment Policy:
We pre-moderate any comments and welcome all kinds of thoughts, supportive, dissenting, critical or otherwise. We delete or censor comments that are:
* abusive
* off-topic
* contain personal attacks, or against any company or organization
* promote hate of any kind
* use excessively foul language
* is blatantly spam or advertising
We do not discriminate based on the person who is posting, and we never censor comments for political or ideological reasons. We never delete an appropriate comment because we disagree with its viewpoint or ideology, and we never publish an inappropriate comment because we agree with or support its viewpoint or ideology.

Add comment

Security code
Refresh