Last minute Christmas

last minute gift and travel ideas for Christmas



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I hate Christmas. How do I not ruin Christmas for my children? For reasons (childhood trauma, etc) I won't get into, I deeply and angrily hate Christmas. I loathe everything about it -- the presents, the enforced cultural expectations, the lights, the consumerism, the carols. I feel nothing but antipathy for the holiday and everything related to it.

My oldest is four-and-a-half years old and this is the first year he really gets Christmas. He LOVES it. It's magical for him. So far my wife and I have done OK splitting things up. They decorated the tree together and read Christmas books every night. I excuse myself ("I need to run upstairs and get something") when he starts singing carols. But he's starting to see through it. He's noticing that Dad quietly steps out of the room whenever Christmas comes up. Or that Dad "is cooking dinner and can't come right now" whenever he and my wife are doing something holiday-related in the evenings.

My crap is my own to deal with. I never want to take away from the joy he (and eventually his little brother) feels about Christmas. While he's a child I don't want him to see how upsetting I find this holiday. It's something he can figure out on his own as he gets older. But I don't know how to balance that with my ongoing and barely contained emotional response (anger, anxiety, depression) to the holiday season.

Do you hate Christmas? How do you balance that with your kids or family?

(Please no answers about how I should learn to like Christmas because seriously fuck this holiday.)

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