So my parents did not get my kid anything for Christmas. There is a complicated family dynamic with a million moving parts, but I need a way to gently say to them, "This is hurtful." Help? This is a bare-bones description of some of the moving parts:
-- Parents = my father + stepmother (married 30+ years)
-- In my generation: Stepmother has always exhibited massive favoritism for one of her bio children. Her other bio child + me & my bio sibling are frequently left out. It's annoying as hell but also we're all grown-ups at this point so whatever.
-- In the grandchildren generation: As grandparents, my dad & stepmom have shown less favoritism, seeming to cherish all the grandchildren equally.
-- Grandparents are, stupidly, doing that thing where they haven't been taking Covid seriously enough.
-- All of us non-favorites in my generation are taking it very seriously, but the favorite in my generation isn't.
-- Which led to grandparents flying (!!!) to see the favorite and their family this xmas. This whole family was handsomely rewarded with presents, new home furnishings, just a parade of benefits. It's ridiculous, but again I don't really care on my behalf.
-- None of this would have been a very big deal but at the end of Xmas Day we had a family Zoom where those grandchildren were showing off all their stuff they got from Grandma and Grandpa, while my kid sat there on my end realizing that they didn't get him anything -- not even a card.
-- My child has no other grandparents to gift him anything -- some are dead; the other living grandparent is ill enough that presents are out of the question.
-- There's absolutely the sucky Covid element. Kid only got boring old Mom and Dad to gift him, after 10 months at home, Thanksgiving with just the three of us, etc. It's hard to watch everyone out there having fun without him!
I'd like to find a somewhat gentle way of saying to the grandparents that this sucked, that my kid felt bad. I need it to be separate from "give my kid stuff!" and more like "my kid really loves you, and you're his grandparents, and it would really be nice to show him how much you care for him on a major holiday." And/or "It was hard for Kid to see his cousins and their mountain of presents, knowing he received nothing." There is definitely *a lot* of other family baggage here, so I'm needing to find a way where I discuss this one element, not the mountain of trash that is Everything Wrong.
Can you help me with a script and/or some thoughts of what I should be considering at this moment?
-- Parents = my father + stepmother (married 30+ years)
-- In my generation: Stepmother has always exhibited massive favoritism for one of her bio children. Her other bio child + me & my bio sibling are frequently left out. It's annoying as hell but also we're all grown-ups at this point so whatever.
-- In the grandchildren generation: As grandparents, my dad & stepmom have shown less favoritism, seeming to cherish all the grandchildren equally.
-- Grandparents are, stupidly, doing that thing where they haven't been taking Covid seriously enough.
-- All of us non-favorites in my generation are taking it very seriously, but the favorite in my generation isn't.
-- Which led to grandparents flying (!!!) to see the favorite and their family this xmas. This whole family was handsomely rewarded with presents, new home furnishings, just a parade of benefits. It's ridiculous, but again I don't really care on my behalf.
-- None of this would have been a very big deal but at the end of Xmas Day we had a family Zoom where those grandchildren were showing off all their stuff they got from Grandma and Grandpa, while my kid sat there on my end realizing that they didn't get him anything -- not even a card.
-- My child has no other grandparents to gift him anything -- some are dead; the other living grandparent is ill enough that presents are out of the question.
-- There's absolutely the sucky Covid element. Kid only got boring old Mom and Dad to gift him, after 10 months at home, Thanksgiving with just the three of us, etc. It's hard to watch everyone out there having fun without him!
I'd like to find a somewhat gentle way of saying to the grandparents that this sucked, that my kid felt bad. I need it to be separate from "give my kid stuff!" and more like "my kid really loves you, and you're his grandparents, and it would really be nice to show him how much you care for him on a major holiday." And/or "It was hard for Kid to see his cousins and their mountain of presents, knowing he received nothing." There is definitely *a lot* of other family baggage here, so I'm needing to find a way where I discuss this one element, not the mountain of trash that is Everything Wrong.
Can you help me with a script and/or some thoughts of what I should be considering at this moment?
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